What's driving?!

I have the habit of analyzing myself ... often. And for the last several days, I am trying to figure out "what the hell drives me?".

I still don't know the answer ... but there's no harm in speculating. And sharing it with the outside world! The nice thing about writing is, I can always say to myself that the thought is now shelved, and I can now go to the next analysis problem. And the backup*/escape plan (I am a big believer of backup) is that I can always go and say "those were only my speculations, little venting-out ... that was only for showing-off in blogs, that's not the real me. Here's the real me". And the loop continues.

* backup plan: the backup plan is just to cover myself in the low-probability event of someone other than me knowing me better.

So, here's the output of ii = 1: % I live in MATLAB world, not C, C++, C#, C-flat

SEARCH FOR THE WHEN:

It's always Fall ... that's when I go into 5th gear. At times I think, that it should be Spring or Summer. Probably that's more expected in Minnesota. But re-analyzing, I think I just keep doing** nothing during Winter, anticipate doing something in Spring (still dont do), get frustated in Summer (by still not doing), and then in Fall I do too much.

What goes up must comes down (a terribly cliche). And so I go back to the do-nothing mode during the next 6 months of Minnesota winter.

** doing - Ok, I go to work, eat, sleep, etc. But is it really worth doing those without any sense of joy and contentment?

SEARCH FOR THE WHY:

I thought and thought ... it cannot be associated with anything but Durga Puja! The anticipation for excitement of 2 weeks of fun is so intoxicating, that it has become a habit in the last 30 years or so. So, if nothing is going on, I feel a great need to DO something during Fall, just so I can maintain my routine, and do it over and over again in years to come.

I think the WHY is also associated with few other factors. First, Fall in Minnesota always reminds me of my first visit to USA, Aug 1998 as a student of UofM. Man, ... eveything looked so excitingly and new, I still remember the feeling.

Another reason for the WHY - this is also the time of the year when I first met my better half! It was in Fall of 1998. (I will stop elaborating on this anymore; I strictly want to restrict myself to my analysis-mode.)

Yet another reason for the WHY - Diya (she's almost 3 now) is born also in Fall - Sept 2005. She's pretty much the center of my world!

I will end my first iteration (and my 1st-ever blog) with that.

So, what's driving you?